


Going Stag

by Cimila



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: F/M, Light Angst, M/M, Matchmaking, Multi, Mutual Pining, Winter Screw
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-03
Updated: 2014-12-03
Packaged: 2018-02-28 00:43:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2712707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cimila/pseuds/Cimila
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Holster and Ransom try to set Bitty up again this year, 100% certain they can do it now they know he’s into dudes. </p>
<p>(Now that they know he's into Jack.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Going Stag

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LovelyPoet](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LovelyPoet/gifts).



> Not a one shot because I haven't finished the ending yet. Hopefully I'll finish it after work tomorrow. but, more importantly, MERRY CHRISTMAS KATIE!!! This is a for the Check Please Secret Santa 2k14, and my secret santa was katiegeeks. I hope you like it :)

“So, Bitty, got a date for the Winter Screw, yet?” Ransom asked, sliding up to the kitchen bench to stand beside the sophomore. Bitty looked up, eyes wide, and wondered whether he should tell the truth or lie. On one hand, his mama always taught him not to lie, especially to his friends and team mates. On the other, if he told the truth and said no, he knew Ransom and Holster would try and set him up again this year.

“…Uh…” He said, in lieu of an actually answer, still deciding whether it was worth it to say yes, which would mean he’d have to find his own date, or no, where they’d get one for him. As he’d learnt last year, stag was apparently not an option. Luckily, though, Lardo had been on a semester exchange last year, and Bitty was able to go stag with Shitty, which somehow made all the difference.

This year, everyone was hoping they’d go to Winter Screw together, and finally get together, you know, for real.

“That sounds like a no, bro.” Holster says, appearing on Bittys other side. There are worryingly wide grins stretching across both their faces, and Bitty can feel himself sink further back against the counter. He’d avoided all of their attempts to set him up so far, but had a feeling he’d just run out of luck.

“Don’t worry, Bitts, we’ll find you someone real nice.”The nodded and fist bumped each other, Bitty taking the chance to duck under their arms and start backing away slowly. They were already shooting name after name at each other, nodding or shaking their heads, so hopefully they wouldn’t notice his escape. A firm hand on his shoulder thwarted his escape attempt.

“Please tell me you’re wearing clothes.” Bitty asked as Shitty pushed him back into the kitchen.

“Yup.” He popped, smiling at a dubious Bitty, who was studiously keeping his eyes no lower than Shittys chin.

“Boxers don’t count.” Shitty blinked, looked down at himself, and then smiled again.

“Guess that makes it a ‘no’, then.” He said cheerfully, sitting down at the table. Ransom and Holster chose the moment to turn their attention back to Bitty, and the blonde sighed, moving to sit at the table as well. Holster ducked out of the room to grab his laptop, as Rans pulled up a chair.

“So,” Rans said, Holster reappearing with his laptop, and they both stared at him across the table, “so far we don’t have many criteria on our list. In fact, all we have is, ‘must like pie’ and ‘must be a dude.’” Holster nodded, continuing,

“And thus, we have a questionnaire for you to fill out.” He produced a sheet of paper, and Bitty blinked. He looked at Shitty, who looked far too amused, especially with half a pie shoved in his mouth.

“Do I really have to fill it out?” He asked, especially since they’d practically been throwing names at him every time they went to a party. They didn’t need any criteria for that, and he told them so. Rans nodded.

“I understand; but that was just bros trying to get another bro laid. This is bros getting another bro a date. We’ve got to do it right.” And they both looked so hopeful, questionnaire held out in front of them, that Bitty could do nothing but sigh and grab the paper.

_Essential Qualities:_ was the heading of the first subsection, complete with pre-filled options he could circle, and blank spaces for his own additions.

_Likes Hockey, knows how to skate, likes pie, can bake, likes Beyoncé_ , at that, Bitty looked up and both d-men beamed at him.

“We tricked out the form just for you, nice options, eh?” Rans wiggles his eyebrow, and Bitty smiles back. The pair of them may be ridiculously over involved in his life, as Shitty once said, they spent half their time looking out for him, but they’d also become the older brothers he never knew he wanted. Bitty looked back down at the form, running a hand over his freshly shaved hair, before getting started.

_Essential Qualities:_

**_Likes Hockey_** _, knows how to skate, **likes pie** , can bake, **likes Beyoncé** , **active**_ , **_is clean_** , Bitty adds in a space, shuddering a bit as he remembers the state of some of the other dorms in his freshmen building, before moving onto the ‘ _wants’_ section. Bitty kind of wants to write _‘I want to find – or not find – my own date_ ’ but refrains. He doesn’t really have any wants except,

‘ _Won’t try to shove their hands in my pants at the end of the night.’_

He’d like someone to, eventually, have their hands in his pants. He’s never envisioned it happening drunk, with someone his friends set him up with, after the Winter Dance, so it’s probably an important thing to mention. Other than that though, there’s not really much that he wants in a date. Bitty can think of things he finds attractive (the majority of the list bears a disturbing resemblance to Jack, which Bitty is firmly _not_ thinking about) but he’s not shallow enough to write down a list and get Rans and Holster to search campus for someone that meets the criteria. Because they would, he can just imagine them searching through everyone they know in order to match the list exactly.

Bitty doesn’t know which one would figure him out first, but it would end with the entire team aware of his crush on Jack and that…Bitty would prefer to avoid.

Bitty’s just handing over the small piece of paper when Chowder comes into the kitchen, likely following his nose, throwing his bag onto a spare chair. Bitty can’t help the way he perks up a bit because, maybe, surely, it’s more important for the frogs to have a good first Winter Screw than for him to have an alright second one?

“Do you have a date for the Winter Screw Chowder?” The goalie nods, grabbing a drink and moving his bag to sit down.

“Yeah, Rans and Holster got me to fill out a form and everything!” He beamed, before starting in on the slice of pie. Bitty sighed, but he wasn’t going to give up, yet.

“What about Dex and Nursey? You need to make sure all the Frogs have a good first Winter Screw.” Bitty tries, and Rans and Holster grin and fist bump.

“Already taken care of, bro.” Bitty sighs and nods, finally accepting his fate.

“I’ve got to get to class. See you at practice?” He asks, grabbing his own bag, which he’d placed in a chair earlier, because there was no way he’d put it on the floor. He’d tried his hardest to clean the kitchen, but he would always be suspicious of the floor.

“Hopefully we’ll narrow it down by lunch, and we’ll see you then.” Rans said, looking at the sheet, Holster reading over his shoulder and typing away.

“Otherwise, yeah, see you at practice. Don’t worry, we’ll find you the best date.” Holster flashed a smile up at him as Jack walked into the Haus, back from his early class.

“Date?” he asked, looking around, and Shitty nodded.

“Yeah, we’re setting Bitty up for the Winter Screw this year.”

“Oh.” Jack says, nodding at Bitty as they walk past each other, and then Bitty’s out the door and hears no more.

-

“We’ve narrowed it down.” Shitty says as they skate warm ups around the ice.

“We?” Shitty smiles at him.

“After you left, it was decided that we couldn’t let Rans and Holster choose anyone.” He raised a hand, waving away Bittys comment that they wouldn’t chose just anyone.

“I know, but _someone_ decided that we needed to screen your potential dates.” He rolls his eyes, smirk forming at the corners of his mouth. Bitty scans the ice, wondering who decided that his pathetic love life needed even more inspection, but can’t pick who would’ve decided that. Honestly, Bitty would have picked himself, because he’s certainly interested in getting a look at the list the d-men have worked up for Chowder. Warm up ends then, though, and he doesn’t have time to think about it anymore.

After practice, though, Ransom slings an arm around his shoulders half a second before Holster does, and grins at him.

“I noticed you circled ‘active’ on your questionnaire. Does this mean you reconsidered Kyle?” Bitty thinks for a few seconds before shaking his head.

“Kyle?”

“From the football team. I tried to set you up with him once before but –”

“Ah, Rans, bless your little heart if you think I’m going out with a six foot seven linebacker.”

“Maybe as a back up.” Rans mutters to himself, and Bitty rolls his eyes.

“He’s more than a foot taller than me.”

“Only by half an inch.” Holster adds, and Bitty sighs in defeat.

“Fine, as a backup. As in, if we can’t find somebody else in the entire Samwell student population.” They finally get off the ice, their progress having been derailed by Ransoms attempt to get Bitty to date Kyle, and when they get back to the lockers the first thing Rans does is pull out a sheet of paper.

“I’ve put Kyle down as a maybe. What about –”

“How about we do this back at the Haus?” Bitty suggests, pulling his jersey off, and Rans nods.

“Good idea, bro. That way we can look at their facebook profiles as well.” Holster nods, pulling on a shirt and then putting his glasses back on.

“Rans is just really excited about setting you up, since we didn’t get to do it last year.” He explains, calmly, like he’s not just as eager as his friend. Bitty doesn’t call him on it, though, just starts to tie up his shoes. Jack and Shitty are loitering outside the rink, waiting for them, and Bitty thinks he can hear Dex and Nursey arguing just outside and, sure enough, the frogs are waiting on the steps.

Looks like it’s going to be a team event. He sends a text to Lardo as they walk, checking if she’s available.

_dude, i've already got the popcorn ready. how much butter do you want?_

_Stay away from the three blocks on the top shelf, they’re for pie. Use the margarine at your discretion_. He tucks his phone back into his pocket as Dex and Nursey move onto body checking each other towards the Haus.

“Who’d you set Dex and Nursey up with, anyhow?” Maybe they should make scoping out potential dates for dances a team activity. Lurk their social media accounts, eat popcorn, embarrass the frogs. Team bonding activities are important, and they probably need more that aren’t centred around beer.

“They’re going stag together.” Rans smile is practically predatory.

“Like me and Shitty, last year?” Holster chuckles, readjusting his bag.

“Nope. They’re not going _stag_ together, they’re going stag _together_.” Bitty blinks once, twice, before his eyes snap towards the two roughhousing frogs.

“Really!?” It’s not a squeal, just a high pitched exclamation.

“We think by the end of Winter Screw, there’ll be nothing stag about it.” Bitty skips a few steps ahead, practically bouncing with joy. He wasn’t even involved in any part of the matchmaking, but if this is how elated they both feel each time it’s successful, no wonder they’re so dedicated to setting their friends up.

Lardo’s got three bowls of popcorn ready by the time they get there, one butter, one salt, one with both, and they pile on and around the couch.

“Let the carnage begin!” She grabbed a handful of popcorn while Holster hooked his computer up to the TV.

And carnage it was.

Bitty said no to most of them, barely waiting for Rans and Holster to finish their spiel before ‘nexting.’ Sometimes, though, there was someone that he didn’t immediately dismiss. Rans eyes always lit up with unholy glee, probably ready to detail their entire life history at Bittys command. That’s when Jack would shake his head, point out something that made them objectionable. Like now; Oliver was a fine art student, liked to paint water colours of the lake, had shared a history class with Shitty once and was an avid soccer fan.

“He doesn’t say pecan the way you do.” The captain points out, and Bitty raises an eyebrow.

“So he says it the way you do? And it’s _pecan_.” Jack nods, munching on buttery popcorn.

“Next.” Bitty declares, and Shitty laughs into his beer. Holster clicks for the next profile, and Rans narrows his eyes. A few more people are quickly _nexted_ , before Bitty shows some interest in a member of the track team.

“Alan Riggs!” Rans says, and Holster nods.

“Nice guy, likes running. Isn’t the biggest hockey fan, but he doesn’t hate it.”

“I heard he thinks that, uh, Beyonc _é_ doesn’t suit her new haircut.” Lardo chokes on her popcorn, and Bitty echos her shock.

“What? Next!” Bitty demands, shaking his head.

“How’d you know that, Zimmerman?” Holster asks, moving onto the next name.

“I sat near him at lunch a few weeks ago. I heard the word Beyonc _é_ and Bittle’s apparently conditioned me to tune in when I hear her name.” Bitty nods approvingly.

“Maybe there’s hope for you yet, Jack. Next.” The skater barely glances at the potential date on the screen, and they move on. Eventually, though, they’re out of candidates. All the team bar Rans and Holster have vetoed at least one person, and they’ve devoured the popcorn.

“Now what?” Dex asks, kicking at Nurseys foot, which had ventured too far into his space.

“Now we go to our back up date.” Rans declares, and Jack sits back down from where he’d been getting up.

“Back up date?” He deadpans, and Bitty sighs.

“And y’all are sure I can’t go stag?” Bitty asks, and Chowder twists around to look up at Bitty from where he’s seated on the floor.

“Who’s the back up, and what’s wrong with him?” He asks.

“There’s nothing wrong with him, he’s really nice. We’ve actually had a few drinks before.” Bitty admits, because they had. It’s not the first time Rans had tried to set him up with Kyle, and the most recent time had been at a party. They’d chatted for a few minutes, before continuing to circulate.

“Drinks, eh?” Jack asks, and Bitty nods.

“It’s Kyle Grant.” Holster adds, pulling up his facebook profile.

“The linebacker.” Jack sighs, folding his arms across his chest.

“He’s huge.” Lardo adds, before leering at Bitty.

“I’ve heard he’s proportional.” Shitty adds, smirking as Bitty blushes.

“Well, since there’s no one else, it looks like I’ll ask him out tomorrow. Thanks for all this Rans, Holster. If Winter Screw goes well, I’ll bake you both a pie. Each.” The d-men beam at him, and slowly everyone starts to migrate from the room.

“If you really wanted to go stag, you could go stag with me.” Jack offers, quietly, and Bitty’s too busy staring at Jack to watch the way Rans, Holster and Lardo, the only three left in the room, stop moving.

“Really? Didn’t you already have a date?”

“No.” Jack replies, and Bitty can’t help his smile. He knows it’ll be stag like he and Shitty were last year, not how Dex and Nursey are probably going together this year, but it still makes his heart bet a little faster.

“Alright then, we’ll go stag together.” Rans and Holster fist bump over the laptop, and Lardo rolls her eyes as she walks out.

“Idiots.” She says, fondly, spotting Shitty half in the fridge, pants having disappeared in the walk from the lounge room to the kitchen.

“Hey Shits, you got a date for the Screw yet?” She asks, and he cuts two pieces of pie, passes one over to her.

“Wanna be my date, Lardo?” He answers, and she nods, taking a bite of pie.

“Cool. Jack ask Bits yet?” Lardo almost chokes on her pie, laughing.

“They’re going stag together.” She sniggers, and Shitty shakes his head.

“Idiots.”


End file.
